#dadstoo

The #metoo movement has been sweeping the nation as people bravely call out those who have abused their power for personal gain.  Calls to action at the societal level have inspired people to take notice of an issue that has previously been swept under the rug.  I would argue, however, that the most important changes need to come at the level of individuals and families. It is at this level that children first observe power in action, and the most powerful person in the home is usually their dad.  He is bigger, stronger, smarter, and has more resources than they do. Dads are blessed to have the first opportunity to shape their child’s view of how people in power should act, so they should not assume that the #metoo movement is a woman’s issue or that they are powerless to do anything to help.

When I was doing counseling, I was surprised how often people traced problems back to their relationship with their father rather than their mother.  Two distinct patterns emerged: fathers who were too harsh and demanding, and fathers who were passive and apathetic. Both have taught unfortunate lessons to their children.  Before a young professional is climbing the career ladder, before they earn the corner office, before they have to answer the question, “will I take advantage?” or “will I be taken advantage of?” they have already learned the answer to this question in thousands of little ways over their childhood, from their father.  Children are little sponges, always observing how the following questions are answered:

Am I important enough for my dad to pay attention to me?  To put down his cell phone and play with me? To be consistently present, starting with dirty diaper changes and night wakings?  To communicate important life lessons and correction that is gentle and firm? Does he value my personhood? Does he listen and delight in what I have to say?  Does he draw out what is best in me and praise my inner qualities, or is everything about my outward performance?

Dads are also the first models of how to treat women.  Dad communicates a message loud and clear by the way he treats Mom.  Does he honor and help her, or does he use and ignore her? Is she the apple of his eye, or can he be found flirting with other women or leering at them on TV?  What might I stumble upon if I use Dad’s computer or visit his “man cave”? Are women treated as objects to be used, or people to be valued and respected? What is beautiful and praiseworthy in my dad’s eyes?

Dads can either use their power to protect, provide for, and propel their children upward, or they can use their power to control them and use them for selfish gain.  This is not a one-time choice, but is communicated through thousands of tiny decisions which add up to have a great impact over a lifetime. Many of those decisions will go unnoticed by most of the world.  They don’t garner attention and praise the same way as delivering a bold speech, and they aren’t as easy as liking a social media post, but they are way more important and influential when it comes time to decide:  will I take advantage? Will I be taken advantage of?

Unfortunately, although they wield great influence, men don’t have a great track record of using their power for good.  Generations of family dysfunction can be traced back through the years, with many examples even found in the pages of the Bible.  King Solomon had hundreds of wives and concubines which were ultimately his downfall (1 Kings 11:4), but he was only following in the footsteps of his father, King David, who had a man murdered because of lust for his wife (2 Samuel 11).  David was also passive in disciplining his children, even when one of his sons raped one of his daughters (2 Samuel 13) and another son threatened David’s own life and kingdom (2 Samuel 15). Before him there was Eli the priest, who looked the other way when his sons were sleeping with women who gathered at the door of the tabernacle (1 Samuel 2: 22-36).  Before him was Jephthah, who made a rash vow which cost his daughter her life (Judges 11). Before them was Isaac, who made his wife pretend she was his sister when they traveled in a foreign country, exposing her to potentially being used sexually (Genesis 26:1-11). He was merely following what he had learned from his father, Abraham, who did the same thing to his wife, Sarah (Genesis 20).  The problem actually goes even further back, all the way back to the Garden. With the eating of the apple, sin entered the world. The perfect harmony between Adam and Eve was replaced with shame, blame, and enmity (Genesis 3). No wonder it is so hard to be a good husband and father!

Thankfully, there is hope.  God sent Jesus to our rescue, to set us free from patterns of generational family dysfunction and the destruction of sin and shame (Isaiah 61:1-7).  Christ laid aside all His heavenly rights, humbled Himself and came to earth to live a life of obedience, suffering, and righteousness. He died the death that we deserve, and made a way for us to be saved.  He reversed the curse and restored the image of Christ in us, making us whole again and restoring our identity and dignity. When we have a relationship with Him, His Spirit enables us to make those hard decisions, to die to ourselves and put others first.  My husband readily admits that apart from Christ, he would be neither a good husband nor a good father. With Christ it is still hard, but not impossible! Every day he grows more Christlike, learning to lead our family and use his power to protect and uplift our son and me.  

In Christ, there is hope for everyone.  Not just dads, but moms and children too.  Those who have sinned and taken advantage of other people, and those who have shame over being taken advantage of.  Family influence is important, but not deterministic. Even if you had a horrible father, you can still find healing.  You can still have dignity, worth, and an identity shaped by Christ. You can be adopted by God, redeemed, accepted, and beloved (see Ephesians 1).  You can be healed from wrong decisions and a shameful past. God is the ultimate Good Father, and He is always there for us. “For I, the LORD, love justice.”  (Isaiah 61:8) If our Father in Heaven loves justice, then that should certainly be something that earthly fathers seek to uphold and protect.

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If Christ had not risen…

As my husband and I walked to our favorite breakfast spot this morning, we wondered if there is a name for today (the Saturday before Easter Sunday) in the church liturgical calendar.  After all, there is Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and tomorrow is Easter Sunday, but what is today?  Thomas proposed that it should be called Hopeless Saturday, for this is the day that Christ lay dead in a dark stone tomb, and his disciples were left wondering what to do after the guy they had thought was the Messiah was just crucified in front of their eyes.  It got me thinking, what if Christ had never risen?  How would it have affected Christ’s followers, world history, and our own lives today?

Acts 5:33-37 gives us a glimpse into what would have become of the disciples.  As the Jews debate what to do about the increasing numbers of Christians, a wise leader of the Pharisee reminds them of other movements which had risen and fallen in Jewish history:

“For some time ago Theudas rose up, claiming to be somebody.  A number of men, about four hundred, joined him.  He was slain, and all who obeyed him were scattered and came to nothing.  After this man, Judas of Galilee rose up in the days of the census, and drew away many people after him.  He also perished, and all who obeyed him were dispersed.”

If Jesus had stayed in the grave, He would have been just another obscure footnote in history, like Theudas and Judas of Galilee.  His followers would have eventually scattered, returning to their previous lives and jobs, such as fishermen and tax collectors.  They would have been left wondering what to make of the past three years of their lives, and still waiting and hoping for the Messiah of Jewish prophecy to come.

There would have been no Pentecost (the coming of the Holy Spirit and addition of thousands of new Christian believers), no church, no Apostle Paul, and no New Testament.  The Romans and their territories would have remained pagan and polytheistic.  Looking back at how the Roman Catholic church became such a powerful shaping force in history, the world would look drastically different without it.  Our laws, science, technology, music, and art would have undoubtedly progressed down a different path, perhaps more similar to our Arab and Chinese neighbors.  The 2.2 billion people in the world today who call themselves Christians would be adherents of some other religion or none at all.  America in particular, having been founded on Judeo-christian values, would be virtually unrecognizable to us.  And even the way we tell time would be different, as it would not be the year 2017, which is counted starting from the time of Christ.

But even more gripping is how it would personally affect Christian believers today. As the Apostle Paul wrote, if Christ was not risen, then our faith is futile and we, of all people, are the most to be pitied (1 Cor. 15:12-19).  If Christ was not risen, then we would also be pagans, worshipping false gods and unable to know the one true God.  We would be separated from Him forever, offensive to His holiness, strangers and aliens, unaccepted, unloved, lost, and deserving recipients of His wrath.  We would be spiritually dead, ruled by our flesh and the desires of our mind, slaves of sin and unable to change, with no chance of forgiveness or redemption.  There would be no Holy Spirit indwelling and praying for us, having no hope and without God in the world.  We would have no ability to do anything that would matter eternally.  Our circumstances in the world would determine our identity, purpose, and worth.  We would have no inheritance, no hope of Christ’s return, no looking forward to the day when He will make all things new and wipe away our tears.  Day after day would only be an endless treadmill of work and trying to find meaning, only to perish without hope.  Much like the writer of Ecclesiastes, we might say, “I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and indeed, all is vanity and grasping for the wind.”

PRAISE BE TO GOD that this terrible thought experiment is just a figment of imagination, for history very thoroughly documents the fact that Christ was risen!  First, we have the eyewitness accounts of His followers, whom He appeared to after being resurrected.  They felt His wounds, talked to Him, and witnessed Him eating.  Most of these people later lost their lives, persecuted for insisting on the truth of the things they had seen and heard.  Rather than dying out as the Jews expected it to, Christianity exploded, adding thousands of believers in the months after Christ’s death and resurrection.  Even the greatest persecutor of Christians, Saul, was transformed when he met the risen Lord, and devoted the rest of his life to making Christ’s name known.   He endured beatings, arrests, shipwrecks, and sickness to take the news of the resurrection all around the world.  The record of these things, the New Testament, is preserved with more manuscript evidence and accuracy than any other ancient document from the same time period.  Other ancient sources, even those that were hostile to Christ, don’t deny that He rose again, but rather accuse Him of doing it by black magic.

Because of this, today is not Hopeless Saturday, but, as my Anglican sister has informed me, it’s called Holy Saturday.  A day of waiting and expectation for Easter Sunday, that glorious day of celebrating Christ’s resurrection and our true source of light and hope in this world.

 

 

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Do you want to know more about the Bible, but don’t know where to start? Maybe you’ve started, but have problems sticking with a daily Bible study routine? Are you tired of the same old devotionals and ready for something deeper? Swim in the Deep End invites you into the adventure of studying the Bible for yourself. It answers questions that many people have about Bible study: How do I find time? Where do I start? How do I understand what it means? How do I apply it to my life? And what should I do if I get out of my devotional routine?

This book contains practical answers to these questions and emphasizes relationship with Christ rather than religion. It also has thought-provoking questions at the end of each chapter, making it useful for both individual and group study. The last chapter gives several study plans on topics such as the attributes of God, the will of God, suffering, anxiety, and conflict. It is a great tool for new Christians or anyone who wants to freshen up their Bible study routine.

Approaching the Throne of Power and Grace

“…through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, angels and authorities and powers having been made subject to Him.” 1 Peter 3:22

“…according to the working of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all principality and power and might and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in that which is to come.  And He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.” Eph. 1:20-21

“Having disarmed principalities and power, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it.” Colossians 2:15

I think these are some of the most encouraging verses in the Bible!  Jesus is alive, and He’s enthroned at the right hand of His Father God.  Through His resurrection, He disarmed and conquered every single principality and power.  Having incapacitated them and rendered them powerless, He marches them through the universe, shaming and embarrassing them in their defeat. Like a proud hunter who uses the skin of his kill to make a new ottoman, they are subjugated to serve as His footstool, showing His complete domination.

What is most encouraging to me is the sheer scope of His victory.  Paul has to get his thesaurus out to make sure he gets the point across:  Jesus is far above all principalities.  And in case you’re not sure what he means by that, he adds, Jesus is superior to all power.  Not sure what all power means?  Everything that has any might at all.  And just in case you don’t get the picture, He’s also over all dominion and every name that is named.  Everyone. Everything.

But wait, Paul–do you just mean all principalities, powers, might, and dominion that we’ve heard of?  NO!  He means everything we’ve heard of and everything we haven’t yet heard of.  Things we don’t even know we should be scared of yet.  Everything in this age, and everything in the future has been subjected to Christ.  Not just some, but all.  Not just now, but forever.  No ifs, ands, buts, or maybes!

This includes not only spiritual principalities and powers such as angels, demons, and sin, but also things that go by the more familiar names of:

  • world leaders and governments
  • depression
  • racism
  • addiction
  • anxiety
  • loneliness
  • terrorism
  • that awful boss of yours
  • chronic pain
  • disease
  • painful memories
  • shame
  • eating disorders
  • an unfaithful spouse
  • panic attacks
  • grief
  • futility
  • despair
  • a bad temper
  • abuse
  • pride
  • lust
  • insecurity

Every name that is named.  Whatever controls you, Jesus has control over it.  And He invites us to “come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

Light_on_door_at_the_end_of_tunnel

Day 18: “Wives, Submit to Your Husbands”

As promised, today we will be discussing the command for wives to submit to their husbands in 1 Peter 3.  This is a loaded topic, which is why I chose Cross-Reference Wednesday for this discussion.  We must interpret it in the context of Peter’s entire letter and the Bible as whole.  I challenge you to check out the Scripture references for yourself, although this is a lot of info at once, so take your time.

Back on Day 5, we established that Peter was writing to Christians who were undergoing intense persecution.  Let’s take a closer look at what that was like for them. Before they became Christians, they conducted themselves in lustful partying, drinking, and idolatry (1 Peter 1:14 and 4:3).  When they believed in Christ, they left their old ways behind to “be holy, as I am holy” (1 Peter 1:15).

The non-believers around them thought it was strange that the Christians no longer wanted to party or drink with them (1 Peter 4:4).  They started speaking evil and spreading rumors about the Christians (2:12, 3:16).  While many people assume 1 Peter 5:8 is talking about Satan himself, the word “devil” means slanderer.  Peter could have been referring to one or more non-believers who were persecuting the Christians by spreading lies about their conduct, beliefs, and integrity. Throughout his letter, Peter says that the non-believers reviled the Christians. Likely, this negative perception was affecting their interactions with the government, with employers, and within their homes. For instance, imagine this scenario playing out in the workplace:

“Oh you think you’re better than us now because you’re a Christian?  Well if you don’t want to party with us tonight, you can just stay late and clean out all the donkey stables.”

Or a non-believing husband to his wife:

“If you think you’re so much better than me, then why did I hear you gossiping about Mary last week?”

Peter gave his readers a three-fold strategy for reacting to the reviling and slander of non-believers.  First, they were to continue in their holy conduct and not return to their old ways.  1 Peter 2:1 encourages them to lay aside all malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and evil speaking.  By persevering in their good works, in time they would prove the slanderers wrong.

Second, they were to follow the example of Christ, who, “when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten.” (1 Peter 2:23).  Peter applies this call to suffer in three specific social areas, the first two of which are found in chapter 2:

  • 2:13-17— So the government is oppressing you?  Submit to their authority.
  • 2:18-25–Your master just assigned you to manure duty again?  Do it cheerfully.

Then he continues by saying, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear (the word “fear” in 3:2 has the connotation of reverence here as in 2:18).  If their unbelieving husbands reviled their faith, slandered them, and treated them harshly, they were to respond with kindness, gentleness, and longsuffering, while maintaining an attitude of honor, respect, and deference.

It is important to note what Peter was and was not saying.  He was addressing a specific situation:  an unbelieving husband persecuting a Christian wife because of her faith.  In this situation, he asked the wife to suffer willingly, responding to his reviling with meekness for the specific purpose that he might also come to believe.  Peter was not saying:

  1. That all women should submit to all men (“wives, submit to your own husbands”)
  2. That wives should always submit to their husbands, even if they tell them to sin (Peter’s own behavior shows that when it comes down to obeying a human or doing what God commands, we always choose God–see Acts 5:27-29)
  3. That wives with abusive husbands should continue to stay with them. Regrettably, Christians have a bad record of misusing this passage against women who are being abused by their husbands.  That is bad interpretation and also sinfully disregards the responsibility that we have to help the oppressed and confront evil: (Isaiah 1:17;  Matt. 18:15-17; Gal. 6:1).

Finally, the third prong of Peter’s strategy for dealing with persecution was to entrust themselves to “Him who judges righteously,” (1 Peter 2:23; 4:19), trusting that “the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” (1 Peter 3:12)  They could be reassured that in time, God would punish their persecutors (1 Peter 4:5).

Submission: “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.”  Note the word voluntary!  Submission is not something that can be taken by force.  It can only be offered by the one doing the submitting.  Peter was asking them to voluntarily give up their earthly rights for a time because their inheritance in Christ was worth so much more in eternity.

By returning good for evil, the Christians would be acting in a way that would surprise their persecutors.  When their harshness was repeatedly met with patience and gentleness, they would be forced to ask, “what has gotten into you?!?” (1 Peter 3:15)  Which is why Peter told his readers to be ready to explain the reason for the incredible hope that was in them.  Through this, God would be glorified.  The road to glory, for both Christ and the believer, goes through suffering (1 Peter 4:13).

Peter was addressing a specific situation (persecution) with a specific strategy (submission) to a specific end (making new believers and bringing glory to God).  However, this does not mean we are off the hook as far wives submitting to husbands, because there are other places in Scripture that give more general commands as to what a godly marriage looks like, and it includes submission.

In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul says that marriage is a reflection of the relationship between the Christ and the Church.  Christ laid down His life, in selfless, sacrificial love, to save His bride, the Church.  The Church responds in obedience to Christ.  Therefore, husbands should be willing to lay down their lives in selfish, sacrificial leadership that has their wives’ own best interest at heart.  Wives, in turn, respect and follow their husbands.  Paul’s argument is not based on cultural, time-limited household codes, but based on the timeless truth of Christ’s relationship to the church.  Therefore, I believe that this is still relevant to modern-day marriages and is the design that God intended.  While this design doesn’t always work because of our own sinful nature, that does not mean the design is flawed, only the execution.  Personally, I find it liberating to submit to someone who has my best interests at heart.

Other faithful Christians disagree that the male headship/ female submission model is still relevant today.  In fact, tomorrow I will feature a post by someone I respect who holds the egalitarian perspective.  So keeping in mind that we will hear from another viewpoint tomorrow, what do you think?

How does the context of 1 Peter affect your interpretation of 1 Peter 3:1-2?

How does the rest of Scripture shape our understanding?

How does this work out in your own marriage or in other marriages you observe?

Thirsty, Not Guilty

We are halfway through our study of 1 Peter, and if you are anything like me, I suspect you could use some encouragement!  If you’ve fallen behind or missed a few days, don’t feel guilty:

Anyone who has ever devoted themselves to studying the Bible has also experienced the inevitable “dry spell.”  It’s inevitable both because of the sin that dwells within us and the crazy life circumstances that occur outside of our control.  Before we know it, we’ve missed one day, two, then a whole week or month of hearing from God through His Word.  Eventually, life reaches a “boiling point” where we get desperate for God, and we dive into a new devotional or Bible study with renewed vigor, starting the cycle over again.  What if, instead of feeling guilty when we got out of the routine, we felt thirsty?

Granted, we are guilty because we are sinners, but Jesus took away that guilt at the cross and declared those who trust in Him to be righteous.  No amount of reading, underlining, cross-referencing, or memorizing can make us more righteous.  No amount of missed quiet times or forgotten prayers can condemn us in His eyes.  So how about we stop with the legalistic guilt trip and call it like it is:  This world is a desert wilderness, and without a constant trip to the stream of living water, we are bound to be desperately thirsty! –Swim in the Deep End

“On the last day, that great [day] of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. “He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” John 7:37-38

Day 1: Open Mouth, Insert Foot

The Gospels read like a blooper-reel of Peter’s blunders.  He’s full of passion, but not much understanding.  Some of his mistakes are rookie-level; others are mega-failures, such as his well-known denial of Christ on the night of His arrest.    Today we will look at Peter’s life from the time Jesus called him until Jesus was crucified.  Please read the following verses and jot down any important observations:

Matthew 4:18-20

Matthew 14:25-32

Matthew 16:13-23

Matthew 26:36-45

Mark 9:2-6

Luke 22:33-62

Discussion Questions:  What would Peter’s legacy have been if the story ended with Jesus’ death?  Can you relate to some of his screw-ups?